Monday, December 01, 2008

Friend 1 and Friend 2

Well my friend called. Called to see if I check my email and did I know that the kids had upcoming events to attend. I called her back and we talked for 45 min, like we had last talked yesterday. ???? I guess in a sense this is a true friend when you can not talk for months and nothing seems different.
On the other hand I went out with another friend (friend 2) and her friend shopping and to dinner. I guess I said something wrong or did something that pissed her off, because when she and her friend got in her car the door couldn't close before she was ranting about me. I know it was about me because her friend was facing me and the look of horror on her face as I was watching friend 2 rant told it all. I suppose friend 2's friend told her I was watching her rant because next thing friend 2 is knocking on my passenger window to lend me a CD we had talked about over dinner, she called me on my way home, later at home, and the next day. GUILT is a bitch. I chose not to talk to her until day 3. (I did return one phone call and LM letting her know I had seen that she had called.) My own guilt.
I did not say anything to her about the event and did not acknowledge her comments about "ditching her for 2 days". I am not a confrontational person and wondered over the 2 days: maybe I it was me. I know I am a very sarcastic person and make fun in a loving way. I know she has very thin skin and takes EVERYTHING to heart and is somewhat gullible. Maybe I just crossed her line. Although she does talk about people to others. I just never thought she talked about me and especially not in front of my face.
Lesson learned.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Losing a friend

I suppose we have grown apart, but it really sucks. I guess because I don't have kids, not a soccer mom, don't enjoy shopping, don't enjoy drinking to get drunk, I guess we don't have anything in common anymore. Nothing but a couple of the most important people in my heart. I miss the whole family but especially the kids. I am not sure what exactly happened. She has admitted on more than one occasion that she "sucky friend". This is not new. More than once our friendship has been overtaken by the "flavor of the month". It has pretty much happened our whole lives. I am reminded of this by other friends and family, hers and mine. It still sucks to not know what is going on in their lives, good, bad, and indifferent. We used to talk daily and now it is a text now and again usually initiated my me. I am not sure what to do, let it go, hope she comes back, or confront and maybe never have it again.
Thanks for letting me vent.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

When's it going to click?

When is the malfunction in my brain going to be fixed. I don't know what issue is inside, that is do deep, I can't let it surface.
I want to think I can lose weight on my own, no pills to help, no magic drink, nothing but me being able to control what I eat. I have heard thin/normal people say "I eat to live not live to eat." Why can't I grasp this concept. I am miserable at the weight I am right now. I have no energy, I don't want to go anywhere, do anything, I am happy to sit home and watch TV or sleep. Sex, what sex, I have no desire, no energy, nothing. It sucks. All of it. I know what I am supposed to eat, do, think, but it just doesn't come together for me. My body aches all the time, I am a crabby bitch at home. Will it ever come together? -----just rambling. Thanks